I really appreciate your writing Heather. I hit the ❤️ on just about every Substack post that I can agree with. It’s my way of making my voice heard. I’m trying to live each day without fear but it is hard. I’m getting my strength from people like you. Thank you for your efforts.
I feel all of this so hard, friend. What makes me most self-conscious is when other people misinterpret my five-ness as apathy. I assure you, it is NOT THAT, but I've also realized that wading in - particularly emotionally - is much less actually helpful, most of the time, than I want it to be. Reminding myself of that makes it easier to refrain and stay in that "five" place.
I also try to remind myself that it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks about my public reaction or lack thereof, and that is also helpful but somewhat less so. :)
I feel like a trapeze artist, that doesn't know how to trapeze; swinging from the one to the ten, pushing off the angry and mouthy side of me with a vengeance, and swinging (while kicking) to the other side, where I sit on the platform, quiet and frustrated that I blew up again, and it did nothing. Dangling in the middle is scary and tiring, too. But if I just relax and breathe, I can think more clearly, and try again.
The work that has helped me most, besides mystic spirituality, is Buddhism's "the middle way," and Marshall Rosenberg PhD's Nonviolent (aka Compassionate) Communication. NVC teaches us to see each others as human beings who have the same basic needs and wants and questioning what drives peopl to meet those needs. The strategies differ. We develop empathy and the capacity for listening when we begin to understand the why? The why for many is fear.
I have been saying some of what you say here on Facebook for years. (I'm currently paused there.) People don't want to hear it. It's a developmental-spiritual step that one must do the work at which to arrive. Not saying anyone's better if they do or don't get to that place. That would be the opposite of what I'm saying.
Thank you for writing this. I have strong opinions, but I want to come in love with an open heart for those who believe differently. That takes a lot of work....And, yes, it's lonely. Few of my friends stand with me in this place. Back to that part of recognizing one another's humanity...what we've done is just the opposite—dehumanized people (in theory/in our minds). It's easier to forget they are hurt, they have needs, to try to understand how they got there. And my there? Knowing my there and my here and knowing that I want to and will work to always be evolving.
"We develop empathy and the capacity for listening when we begin to understand the why? The why for many is fear." This is why I love the power of story-telling so much. We need to better understand each other to have any kind of connection or healthy communication. And you're right, it DOES take a lot of work. Thank you for your thoughts, I really appreciate them.
I really appreciate your writing Heather. I hit the ❤️ on just about every Substack post that I can agree with. It’s my way of making my voice heard. I’m trying to live each day without fear but it is hard. I’m getting my strength from people like you. Thank you for your efforts.
Thank you so much, Bonnie. Your words here are an encouragement. I need that. Thank you.
I feel all of this so hard, friend. What makes me most self-conscious is when other people misinterpret my five-ness as apathy. I assure you, it is NOT THAT, but I've also realized that wading in - particularly emotionally - is much less actually helpful, most of the time, than I want it to be. Reminding myself of that makes it easier to refrain and stay in that "five" place.
I also try to remind myself that it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks about my public reaction or lack thereof, and that is also helpful but somewhat less so. :)
I feel like a trapeze artist, that doesn't know how to trapeze; swinging from the one to the ten, pushing off the angry and mouthy side of me with a vengeance, and swinging (while kicking) to the other side, where I sit on the platform, quiet and frustrated that I blew up again, and it did nothing. Dangling in the middle is scary and tiring, too. But if I just relax and breathe, I can think more clearly, and try again.
The work that has helped me most, besides mystic spirituality, is Buddhism's "the middle way," and Marshall Rosenberg PhD's Nonviolent (aka Compassionate) Communication. NVC teaches us to see each others as human beings who have the same basic needs and wants and questioning what drives peopl to meet those needs. The strategies differ. We develop empathy and the capacity for listening when we begin to understand the why? The why for many is fear.
I have been saying some of what you say here on Facebook for years. (I'm currently paused there.) People don't want to hear it. It's a developmental-spiritual step that one must do the work at which to arrive. Not saying anyone's better if they do or don't get to that place. That would be the opposite of what I'm saying.
Thank you for writing this. I have strong opinions, but I want to come in love with an open heart for those who believe differently. That takes a lot of work....And, yes, it's lonely. Few of my friends stand with me in this place. Back to that part of recognizing one another's humanity...what we've done is just the opposite—dehumanized people (in theory/in our minds). It's easier to forget they are hurt, they have needs, to try to understand how they got there. And my there? Knowing my there and my here and knowing that I want to and will work to always be evolving.
Namaste.
"We develop empathy and the capacity for listening when we begin to understand the why? The why for many is fear." This is why I love the power of story-telling so much. We need to better understand each other to have any kind of connection or healthy communication. And you're right, it DOES take a lot of work. Thank you for your thoughts, I really appreciate them.
Thank you Heather, it's so hard to calm body and mind right now, I can feel the effect it's having on me. Thank you for your words.